Tuesday update

Finally, Twitter worth reading: "Antidoping control number million, I just send all on my urine to Colorado Springs where there appears to be a shortage." "Just for full disclosure, I did frame a pair of pants after shitting in them when His Lordstrong gave me 'the look'."

I want the creators of Toto to stage a coup and take control of the UCI. They sure as hell understand the sport better than McQuaid. Just imagine hordes of fanatical fed-up cycling fans storming the Bastille UCI headquarters in Aigle, dragging off the overfed suits, and freeing poor Anne Gripper, who has apparently been tied up and locked in the janitor's closet for the last two months with only salmonella-tainted peanut butter Clif Bars to eat....all to keep her quiet on the bio-passport, of course.

The UCI waves their capricious magic wand and suddenly Agritubel is seemingly condemned to Tour-less infamy without the holy wild-card status. Is it just me, or does this smell fishy? And I am not talking a little sardine, but dead whale-sized fishy. Payback time for the French, so any French team will do as cannon fodder? Or has Agritubel actually done something dark and possibly dirty to deserve their shunning? (There have been some previous vague rumors about Moreau?) The problem with the UCI is that they love to behave in as mysterious a manner as possible, and they never feel any need to explain anything to anybody. God forbid they should actually deign to clarify why they make a certain decision, and not constantly leave everyone in the dark thinking WTF?? No, that would be admitting that other people, like say the fans, actually exist in the world beyond their cushy little insular universe in Switzerland. I get the feeling they are too busy admiring the cut of their new suit in the men's room mirror, or being honored at some trumped-up award reception by the Kaz-swazi-turgistan-ian-ville cycling federation.

Dave Brailsford has a plan for the UK to rule the Tour. He also reminds us of the importance of telling your personal "chimp" to shut up. Er...didn't know I had a chimp? But, why not...SHUT UP.

Probably it is not my place to say this, but I really hope that Cervelo required Hayden Roulston to undergo a serious and thorough cardiac examination before allowing him to join their team. He was previously diagnosed with a heart condition (arrhythmogenic right ventricular dysplasia) serious enough that he was told he had to quit the sport. Now, apparently, he is cured, and maybe he really is fine, but after the recent death of Frederiek Nolf in Qatar, it will be a little nerve-wracking to see Roulston riding at ToC.

"Who protects who?" Hey, don't ask inconvenient questions.

I wonder if any of the Garmin guys could so something on the Genting Highlands climb in Langkawi? Meier? Or on Mount Faron at the Med? Martin? I hope. And you know, I am still a little disgruntled that Mr. Adorable has joined that German milk squad, although I guess cow spots on a jersey are better than fake abs. Hopefully he's not lactose intolerant. Before I lose my miserable whiner cred, I should add that I am not liking Katusha. Something shifty-eyed about that team, reminds me of the Vino squint.